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Dahil sabi nga ni gelo suarez (na di ko kilala personally at lalong di nya ako kilala pero lagi kong binabasa ang blog nya), disiplina ito.


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Dahil kailangan kong ikwento na araw- araw parang palaki nang palaki ang pressure na lumabas at magliwaliw ako dito sa maynila. Sabi pa ni alma sa akin "makisama ka naman". Sabi nya oo, hindi rin daw naman sya nag-eenjoy sa paglabas-labas pero ginagawa nya yun kasi wala naman masyadong mawawala sa kanya at bilang pakikiisa na rin sa mga gusto ng mga kasama at kaybigan dito. Sabagay nga naman, minsan may gusto rin akong ma-experience pwera sa basta paghilata na lang sa higaan pagkatapos ng trabaho, tulad ng ilang kasama na nag-aaral pa ng law pagkatapos ng trabaho, o kaya ay ang isang kaibigan na nakakatambay pa sa g4 kasama ang mga dati na nyang barkada, o yung isa na nagagawa pang pumunta sa mga party pagkatapos ay pumasok uli ng maaga sa trabaho kinabukasan. Totoo, naiimpluwensyahan na ako at wala namang masama dun, normal lang naman sa mga tao ang lumabas at gusto ko rin naman din. ang kaso, sa tinagal-tagal ko na rin dito sa syudad (mahigit dalawang buwan na ako dito) pakiramdam ko wala pa rin akong lugar dito. Nawawala pa rin ko sa maynila.


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Nakalimutan kong balita, may bago napala akong bahay na inuuwian. Mas malapit sa trabaho at ang pinaka importante mababait ang mga kasama ko. Bahay na bahay ang dating may tv, may radyo, may dvd(na wala naman sa bahay namin sa bulacan). Ipinagpapasalamat ko talaga na kinupkop ako ni johan dahil naaawa sya sa akin na araw-araw nagpapakapagod sa pag-uwi ng bulacan. Ang pinakamasarap nun alam kong may mga nag-aantay sa akin sa bawat pag-uwi. Mahirap yatang umuwi nang walang nag-aantay pa yun, mas mabuti pang mawala ka na lang.


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Natutuwa akong malaman na hindi naman pala ako tatanda na nanonood lang ng mga pelikulang pinoy na tulad ng pinakahuling katarantaduhang lumabas sa mga sinehan yung kay mikee arroyo nakalimutan ko na yung pamagat e ano yata yun, "pasaway ka na mukhang rabbit ka pa" starring Mikey Arroyo atbp.. Haay naku sakit sa ulo! buti na lang mayroon namang efforts na ibalik sa dating ayos yung patay nang industriya. Hindi ako magpapanggap na maraming alam sa pelikula, lalo na sa pelikulang pilipino pero may alam naman ako sa panonood kahit paano. Isa na dito ay ang dati pa malinaw na katotohanan POLITICIANS MAKE VERY BAD ACTORS (BUT NOT AS BAD AS THEY ARE STATESMEN!)


Nung isang gabi kaasi nakapanood kami ng dvd ng isang entry sa 2005 CINEMALAYA, proyekto ng CCP at Film Development Council of the Philippines at ng UP Film Institute. "Big Time" yung pamagat! Ang bangis nun men kasi akala mo simple lang yung istorya, akala mo napanood mo na dati, akala mo andali nang isipin ng katapusan. pero di naman pala tama lahat ng akala mo. Comedy to tungkol sa dalawang small time na haragan na nangarap na umasenso, gusto nilang maging big time na haragan! Gumawa sila ng simpleng plano para mangyari ito kaso biglang naging kumplikado ang lahat para sa kanila hanggang sa nakulong na sila sa gulong pinasok nila! shet ang galing! Isa pa napakahilig ko talaga sa non-sequiturs kaya naman tuwang- tuwa din ako dito dahil nag-uumapaw ang non-sequiturs. Nae-excite na tuloy ako sa July 12-17 nun ko pa lang kasi mapapanood ang ibang pelikula sa festival e. Ano labas tayo?hehe


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Sya nga pala tutal at wala naman akong masyadong naikwento sa inyo ngayon ise-share kop na lang tong isang tula na naka-impluwensya sa akin ng malaki. Hanep para kang nanood ng pelikula! ayokong sabihin to pero kung di ka maapektuhan dito, tsk, tsk.


How to Watch Your Brother Die by Michael Lassell


When the call comes, be calm.
Say to your wife, "My brother is dying. I have to fly
to California."
Try not to be too shocked that he already looks like
a cadaver.
Say to the young man sitting by your brother's side,
"I'm his brother."
Try not to be shocked when the young man says,
"I'm his lover. Thanks for coming."


Listen to the doctor with a steel face on.
Sign the necessary forms.
Tell the doctor you will take care of everything.
Wonder why doctors are so remote.


Watch the lover's eyes as they stare into
your brother's eyes as they stare into
space.
Wonder what they see there.
Remember the time he was jealous and
opened your eyebrow with a sharp stick.
Forgive him out loud
even if he can'tunderstand you.
Realize the scar will be
all that's left of him.


Over coffee in the hospital cafeteria
say to the lover, "You're an extremely good-looking
young man."
Hear him say,
"I never thought I was good enough looking to
deserve your brother."


Watch the tears well up in his eyes. Say,
"I'm sorry. I don't know what it means to be
the lover of another man.
"Hear him say,
"It's just like a wife, only the commitment is deeper because the odds against you are so much
greater.
"Say nothing, but
take his hand like a brother's.


Drive to Mexico for unproven drugs that might
help him live longer.
Explain what they are to the border guard.
Fill with rage when he informs you,
"You can't bring those across."
Begin to grow loud.
Feel the lover's hand on your arm
restraining you. See in the guard's eye
how much a man can hate another man.
Say to the lover, "How can you stand it?"
Hear him say, "You get used to it."
Think of one of your children getting used to another man's hatred.


Call your wife on the telephone. Tell her,"
He hasn't much time.
I'll be home soon." Before you hang up say,
"How could anyone's committment be deeper than
a husband and wife?" Hear her say, "Please. I don't want to know the details."


When he slips into an irrevocable coma, hold his lover in your arms while he sobs,
no longer strong. Wonder how much longer
you will be able to be strong.
Feel how it feels to hold a man in your arms
whose arms are used to holding men.
Offer God anything to bring your brother back.
Know you have nothing God could possibly want.
Curse God, but do not
abandon Him.


Stare at the face of the funeral director
when he tells you he will not
embalm the body for fear of
contamination. Let him see in your eyes
how much a man can hate another man.


Stand beside a casket covered in flowers,
white flowers. Say,
"Thank you for coming," to each of the several hundred men
who file past in tears, some of them
holding hands. Know that your brother's life
was not what you imagined. Overhear two
mourners say, "I wonder who'll be next?" and
"I don't care anymore,
as long as it isn't you."


Arrange to take an early flight home.
His lover will drive you to the airport.
When your flight is announced say,
awkwardly, "If I can do anything, please
let me know." Do not flinch when he says,
"Forgive yourself for not wanting to know him
after he told you. He did.
"Stop and let it soak in. Say,
"He forgave me, or he knew himself?"
"Both," the lover will say, not knowing what else
to do. Hold him like a brother while he
kisses you on the cheek. Think that
you haven't been kissed by a man since
your father died. Think, "This is no moment not to be strong."


Fly first class and drink Scotch. Stroke
your split eyebrow with a finger and think of your brother alive. Smile
at the memory and think
how your children will feel in your arms,
warm and friendly and without challenge.